Dating A Sexual Assault Survivor

By Kiera Carney

(TW) Trigger Warning: Please note, this post contains discussion of sexual trauma.

In the dating world, it is not unlikely that you may have a partner who has been sexually assaulted. Internationally, roughly 736 million women have been victims of sexual violence. Those who have experienced sexual trauma are very likely to have a harder time successfully navigating a relationship, whether it is communication, triggers, or support. It shouldn’t be completely on the victim to accommodate these barriers that are unfairly placed in the way of their pursuit of emotional and physical intimacy. It is important for a partner to understand what it means to date someone who has had these types of experiences, and learn how to be cognizant of the effects they may experience. 

Photo by Ahmet Sali on Unsplash

As someone who has experienced sexual assault, I, like many others, have found it difficult to feel validated from partners that I’ve had after the assault. Although it is a fact that assault is never the victim’s fault and there is no excuse for assault, it is not always easy to feel that way, and survivors will sometimes worry that they are to blame. Personally, I think that the most important thing an intimate partner can do is to make sure that their partner is feeling emotionally validated and that, although they can’t fully know what they went through was like, they believe them and are unconditionally there for them. To do so, it is important to allow the survivor to open up at their own pace, and to actively listen when they approach the conversation.

Thank You, Readers!

By Sierra Talcott

This is my final post for the Women’s Center blog. Thank you, readers! This year I’ve become more educated on issues, pushed myself in my writing, and grown as a person. I know that many of us must have struggled with changes to routines due to COVID-19. I had some very exciting changes, as well as some challenging ones.

My boyfriend moved in with me at a day’s notice, and while that was really exciting, having someone move into what used to be solely your space is definitely a learning experience. I learned the importance of communication and listening. I learned that it’s important to hear what someone else is saying and to look at situations from their point of view. I’ve learned that I need to adjust my personal beliefs and that compromise is important in a relationship. I know now that communication is key to having a healthy partnership or friendship. In this COVID-19 world, I know the importance of nurturing my relationships and reaching out to others.

Remembering Katherine

By: Madeleine Clow

Katherine Groggett was not only a strong leader and a passionate learner, but she was a loving friend, family member, and a beautiful soul. I only personally knew Katherine briefly, but she left a glimmer of light in my life that I have so much more drive to sha-

Katherine on her 20th birthday

re now, for her memory. Katherine came to the University of Idaho community as a freshman and new member of the Delta Delta Delta sorority Theta Tau chapter, where Katherine and I crossed paths.

 

Katherine was a junior at the University of Idaho, and studied dietetics, a nutrition science. She was incredibly dedicated to and passionate about dance, and had been most of her life.

Katherine performing at a dance concert

She was a beautiful dancer with flawless technique and infallible talent. Katherine was currently in term as president of Tri Delta’s Theta Tau chapter, promoting to “steadfastly love one another” and support St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital.

 

How I Can Help (And Not Hinder)

By Dave Eubank 

A picture of a learning curve

I have learned a lot since beginning my stint this semester as Editor of the Women’s Center Blog. This position has put me in contact with many strong, intelligent, kind, and patient, Feminist women.

I place extra emphasis on patient.

Why?

Because, I have been on a learning curve, so to speak. I have been getting an education about Feminism and how to interact and exist in this world. I have also been proven wrong. A bunch. Consequently, I have done and said things that were offensive to my feminine colleagues and friends. Patience, on their part, has been valuable to me as I stumbled along.

I spent some time trying to muddle through things on my own. Eventually, I decided to reach out and ask some of these women for their opinions/input regarding two areas:

1. “What does a Feminist need from a male ally?”
2. “How can males help in the struggle against Rape Culture?”

  

Here is what I found out…

A Message to the Dads

A Picture of a Super Dad

By Delaney Hopen

 

The Problem

I don’t think it’s easy for people to understand how severe news reports of sexual assault, school shootings, and terrorism are. This separation is similar to receiving news about someone you know who broke their leg. You may discuss how unfortunate it is, ask how it happened, and maybe even discuss the potential challenges they will face in the near future.      However…

Someone breaking their leg doesn’t rock your world.

Someone breaking their leg will not force you to lie awake at night.

Someone breaking their leg can heal.

Thoughts of violence by the media

Older generations try to blame this lack of sympathy on violent video games, and our generation’s constant attachment to technology. It’s been said that video games like Call of Duty (COD), that “promote” the use of firearms, or Grand Theft Auto (GTA), which displays multiple forms of physical violence, could be the cause of such numbness.

I’ve heard many people try to blame sexual assault and rape on our generation as well, saying that, “This was never a problem when I was your age.”

Choosing Not to Report

By Makayla Sundquist

Trigger Warning: This post discusses multiple survivors’ sexual assault experiences and may be triggering for others who have also experienced sexual assault. 

The #MeToo movement created more awareness about the presence of sexual assault. Photo from Poynter.com

If you have been keeping up with the University of Idaho news lately, you will notice the attention a 2013 sexual assault case is getting. The Idaho Statesman recently discovered a survivor’s testimony on a blog site, and ran a story that covered the investigation. (Read here). Long story short, the survivors did not receive the help from the athletic department they needed. Both people involved were athletes at UI, but the athletic department only protected the assaulter. The survivors then went to the Women’s Center, and the staff there took the case to the Dean of Students for an investigation. The assaulter was no longer allowed to play football at UI. However,  he is now playing for a team in New York (which I do not agree with, but that is a conversation for another day).

Throughout all of this buzz, I have heard some comments questioning why the survivor did not go directly to the Dean of Students. Some of these comments were in poor taste. Others were genuinely curious. Even though the two women who were sexually assaulted at UI chose to report their assault to the police and the athletic department, it is common for survivors to never report. But why?

“Healthy Masculinity”

A picture of a rainbow colored White House

By Dave Eubank 

Ahhh. That elusive concept. What is it? What does it look like? How do you know if you possess it? How can you tell if someone else does? What examples in current times or past ones do we have?

I thought about this subject a lot before writing today. I consulted with some highly esteemed colleagues that I work with. I listened to some talks given by scholars on the psychologies of humans. I remembered films I had watched, books I had read, and, finally, I remembered my own life…where I have come from, how I started out, what got me here, who I am right now, and how far I must go. I am still thinking. (Ha-ha)

However, here is what I have to say about the concept and what I have learned works for me, so far.

“To Thine Own Self Be True”

Picture of a statue of Hamlet

Shakespeare’s words from Hamlet, Act I, Scene 3, still resonate for me. I know this is the chief thing I have done in living my life to this point. I have gone inside of me and keep returning there to spend time with myself. Time where I ask and ponder the difficult questions: “Who am I?” “What do I want?” “What is true for me?” “What do I believe?” Time spent waiting for the answers to come bubbling up within me. Time analyzing and thinking about these answers and how I can manifest them in my outside world. If I cannot be authentic with myself, then how can I be honest with anyone else?

Pro Planned Parenthood

By Makayla Sundquist

Let’s talk about Planned Parenthood.

“Abortion Clinic!” you scream.

“Murderers!” you cry.

“They sell fetal tissue!” you claim.

(That last one has been proven false, read here).

Common signed used to support Planned Parenthood.

There are many myths about Planned Parenthood, and there are people who believe their clinics should not be established because they perform abortions. Before we continue, abortion is legal in the United States. It has been since the 1973 Roe v. Wade case. Planned Parenthood provides women with legal abortions. Do you want women to die from coat hanger abortions? No? Neither do I, let’s move on. Some of the clinics only provide a medication abortion, a pill taken up to 10 weeks that blocks progesterone and causes the fetus to detach from the uterine wall, but other clinics provide surgical abortions. In case you were wondering, the Planned Parenthood in Pullman only provides a medication abortion. However, abortions are only a small piece of the services that Planned Parenthood provides. The most common reason people access Planned Parenthood is to receive STI testing/treatment. 

What makes Planned Parenthood so amazing is that it provides a wide variety of health-related services, and not all of them are related to sexual health. Fun Fact: you can go receive a sports physical at the Planned Parenthood in Pullman, WA. Then again, if you do need some “down there” assistance, Planned Parenthood is a fantastic resource. They provide STI tests, pap smears, pregnancy tests, UTI treatment, and even vasectomies. That’s right, men, Planned Parenthood can be your health center as well! And it is starting to be. In 2014, PP clinics served 250,000 men, which is a 76% increase from a decade ago. The Pullman Planned Parenthood helps men with erectile dysfunction, male infertility, premature ejaculation, and routine physicals. Other Planned Parenthood Clinics can screen men for testicular and prostate cancer.

This is Why You Need to Know the Name–“Eileen Kelly”

By  Delaney Hopen

“Knowledge is power, Information is liberating. Education is the premise of progress, in every society, in every family.” –Kofi Annan

As you may recall, I grew up just outside of the city of Seattle. I went thru public grade school, middle school, and high school in the city of Shoreline. To end “Safe is Sexy” week here on campus I wanted to discuss a resource that I’ve been lucky enough to have had while in my later teenage years.

SINGLE on Valentine’s Day

By Beatrice Santiago

 

So here is the thing…

I am single and loving it!!

I don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to celebrate this Valentine’s day. Instead I will be celebrating this year’s Valentine’s with two of my closest friends I have made since coming to college. How are we celebrating? By getting a piercing and watching our favorite show. Insert smiling emoji here * We also are probably getting or making dinner at the end the day and, of course, do some more homework. What is a life of a college student without some homework? I am content with that. I get to be with my little family away from home.

I am also celebrating my self-love.

Because, what is better than showing some love to myself? I don’t need anyone by my side telling how me how much they love me when I got me. To all my single ladies out there–put your hands up! You’re amazing! Remind yourself that you are hardworking, beautiful, and capable of doing anything–All on your own!! Look at yourself in the mirror and just look at how beautiful you are.

Because, you are your own person. There is no one quite like you. So unique. That is what makes you beautiful. Therefore, on this special day I will be pampering myself. Which will probably consist of: face masks, a shopping spree (on a budget), and reading a chapter of a book I have just started. Small things like this can make a Valentine’s day pretty perfect. I don’t necessarily think it has to be something expensive or out of this world to make Valentine’s Day very special.