Hell’s Holiday

By Emily Reese 

Do you think Satan wraps presents this nicely?
https://www.plannthat.com/create-a-holidays-gift-guide/

It’s that time of year again. The car needs to be warmed up for 20 minutes before you can drive it and you shiver the whole time you take your dogs to the bathroom. At least the snow is pretty (when/if it ever comes). Of course, skiing and snowboarding are the saving grace of the winter season, given that you have the financial means to access these luxuries. Oh yeah, then there’s the holidays. If you’re into that sort of thing. I hate to sound like a Grinch, but the holidays are rather lackluster for me. I can really do without the Christmas songs playing everywhere the day after Thanksgiving and the pressure to spend hundreds of dollars on gifts for people you don’t really know. But more than that, the holidays can be especially tiresome and stressful for those who may not align ideologically with their family or those who carry out the majority of the tasks associated with the practices that occur during the holidays. Maybe some of you are still reeling from Thanksgiving, and with Christmas quickly approaching, it doesn’t seem like there’s much time available to recover and reflect. In this article, I’d like to explore some of the reasons why the holidays can be particularly draining and suggest some ways to mitigate some of the wintery burnout.  

Not even this tree is safe from my cats.
https://pixexid.com/image/a-minimalist-papercut-christmas-tree-made-of-green-construction-paper-stands-alo-06uv06u1

I can quickly think of a handful of cliché stressors that come from the holidays. Aunty Beth asking if you have a partner yet. Grampa Richard complaining about lazy youth and the disintegration of “good old fashioned American values.” Cousin Susan’s had too much wine and keeps pinching your cheeks, and there’s a weird uncle whom you barely know sulking in the corner. All under a haze of twinkly lights and the smell of icy pine. But other than the general awkwardness and social discomfort that some of us know so well, there are other experiences that are much more emotionally challenging. Such as the experience of a girl named Vivian, whose identity isn’t welcome in her family.  

“I came out as a trans woman to my family several months ago and I haven’t had a holiday with my extended family yet. I know my mom is coming around, but my dad isn’t, and no extended family knows. I’m worried about whether I’ll have to pretend to be a boy for a week or if I’ll even be welcome at all. I’m dreading constantly being misgendered and treated like the nephew grandson I always presented to them, rather than who I actually am. I’m dreading disguising myself just to make my family happy at my own expense.” 

Vivian

cute 🙂
https://pixexid.com/image/the-shape-of-an-evergreen-tree-stands-out-alone-against-a-clean-linen-white-back-7bfqn70g

Trans exclusionary families are only one piece of a very painful pie that many share throughout this season. For some, holidays bring reminders of all the people that they’ve lost or can’t be with, for whatever reason. It can be hard to see others floating around in candy-cane colored bliss bubbles when your holiday plan only involves you, the couch, and a lonely bottle of Cook’s. American holidays have become the Season of Excess. While many are feeling sad and lonely while watching Hallmark films alone in the dark, others are constantly swamped with expectations and demands from their family, extended family, and their extended family’s dog. Even the weird uncle in the corner makes it known that if there are no deviled eggs present on the dinner table, he will have a certified breakdown. Often, the labor involved in shopping for groceries, making the meal, sending the invites, decorating the house, organizing the guests, and however many other logistical hurdles need to be jumped over, falls on the matriarch of the family. If not exclusively on the matriarch, then the matriarch and very few others are tasked with managing the needs of a big, diverse, complicated nebulous of people. Not only is this work expected, but around the holidays, this work and the home in which it takes place, becomes symbolic. The home and decoration of it become the visual representation of the family story and values that it holds.  

It’s me. I’m the uncle.
https://pixahive.com/photo/tray-of-eggs/

So how do we navigate all these challenges? How do we stay sane and if not enjoy, survive, the holiday season? Firstly, make sure to have an ally attending any event with you. If you are in a position like Vivian or feel like your identity and values will need to be hidden or interrogated, it can be helpful to have someone there whom you know will be on your side and have your back if things get tense. Additionally, it can be helpful to have an exit strategy, whether that’s a friend calling you with a fake emergency, or letting people know in advance that you’ll only be there for a set amount of time. Having an exit strategy and knowing that you can leave may make it easier to step into a space with reduced anxiety. As scary as the second piece of advice is, it may help to have some emotional conversations with family members. It may look like sharing your authentic feelings with only a select few family members, or only talking about safer subjects, but allowing someone to see your humanness and allowing yourself to see theirs can smooth some of the combative tension. If your holidays are being spent alone, for whatever reason, I’d say give yourself a gentle pass this year. If it’s grief or loneliness, make yourself your favorite meal, eat a whole pie, and let yourself cry if that’s what you need. Offering to volunteer at community buffets or outreach programs are an especially beneficial option to engage in loving company and actions. Lastly, I know this is a tricky one too, but you can ask others for help. Whether that’s delegating tasks, asking for affirmations and acknowledgements of appreciation, or asking to be a guest this year instead of hosting. Communication is key here, as with everywhere else.  

If you’ve made it to the end of this article, and you’re a certified Christmas super fan with the perfect holiday plans, I wish you nothing but joy this holiday season. Drink your hot cocoa, text your friends and family, check in, and make sure that they’re doing okay this time of year. Regardless of religion, holiday engagement, or family situation, we’re all just trying to make it through the dark, cold winter.  

Recognizing Weaponized Incompetence

By Gladys Lemesurier

Image from Flickr by John

The vastness of the internet gives us all access to more information than we’ll ever know what to do with. Those of us that experienced the introduction of technology during our childhoods can’t imagine living in a time before Google was readily available at our fingertips. Having constant access to anything and everything you can think of might sound like a negative thing, and at times it can be a bit much. But it also allows us to learn about things we might not otherwise. In the case of social media, we can learn things about ourselves and other people. The popular video-sharing platform, TikTok, has recently become a popular place for all kinds of advice, though the most noticeable is the increase in relationship advice and how to identify toxic traits in partners.

Most social media platforms focus on presenting perfectly manicured versions of our lives. We post our best days on Instagram and Facebook, often not sharing the reality of those moments. But TikTok has proven itself different as a social media platform with its large number of creators dedicated to exposing the real parts of life and relationships. One thing that I learned about fairly recently on TikTok is the idea of weaponized incompetence. Though the term first showed up in 2007, it’s not really a new thing. 

Poetry’s Glass Ceiling

The language of poetry is deeply evocative. Poetry is cathartic. When minds are racing, and hearts are beating poetry gives form to experiences that can’t be spoken aloud. Women have long been emphatic about expressing feelings of oppression, discrimination, gender roles, race, and mental health. Women have also created poetry about daily life, motherhood, and romantic love and frustrations. While there are many great male writers, Ernest Hemingway being a personal favorite, women’s writing deserves to be known just as widely. In high school, the poetry and literature we read tended to focus on male writers. For the curriculum, only ¼ of books were written by a female author. I don’t believe it’s done intentionally, however, there is a quiet but collective belief that women are secondary to men.  Though, times continue to evolve and with that, more women of all ages have stepped up to represent other women, to advocate for and inspire them.

Just to name a few, poets that have greatly influenced female writing include Emily Dickinson, Virginia Woolf, Maya Angelou, Anne Saxton, and Mary Wollstonecraft. Mary was a women’s rights activist as well as a writer, -most known for writing A Vindication of the Rights of Women. This work was famous for the criticism placed on the lack of women’s education in the 18^th-century.  She wanted women to be seen as relevant to society and not valued only for their domestic duties of raising children and maintaining a household.

Journal from pexels.com

Each woman used her own style and technique to communicate through poetry. Emily Dickinson often wrote about her frustrations surrounding religion, law, and nature. She was very inspired by other writers in the Romantic Era. Today, Dickinson is considered one of America’s greatest original poets. In her writing, she showed incredibly sharp-sighted observations a noteworthy ability to explore social and literary concepts. Despite not having any formal education, she wrote because “it is liberating but also knocks our feet off the ground”, as she once described. I think anything women do is backed by passion that is unique to us. These poets continue to inspire from the 17^th century into the modern day.

Poetry can be a struggle to read and understand when the diction is something resembling Shakespeare’s style. However, many poets today handle the language of poetry with grace and authenticity. Rupi Kaur, is one of today’s most renowned poets. She reached millions of people with her 2014 publication “milk and honey”, and continues to do so today through her new works, “the sun and her flowers”, and “home body”. She creates a space where all women can relate to each other’s ache, and the need to feel heard and seen. Women in poetry utilize writing as a tool of agency and expression. Just as Dickinson felt, writing is liberating.

Whether you are a writer or not, I believe all women should read literature and/or poetry. It can give names to experiences and feelings that are difficult to understand. Poetry benefits the reader and the writer. It gives rhythm to silence and brings creativity and imagination to the forefront. Reading helps improve ideas, skills, and self-development Being mindful of the present world and daily life and routines is also something that poetry captures well. Mundanity becomes meaningful in just a few lines.

writing in a cafe from pexels.com

One thing I noticed is that writing quickly connects us to other people. Many of the most famous writers were friends! Many participated in the same workshops, visited each other’s homes, and wrote letters to each other from afar. Likewise, today, with the use of social media, local and university courses, and events- writers can continue fostering a community. Virginia Woolf and Katherine Mansfield are widely remembered as bitter foes but in truth, the two had an affectionate albeit turbulent friendship. Both women were ambitious and had a mutual understanding of their literary talent. They challenged each other with insight and critique. Woolf was even hurt by one of Mansfield’s critiques, and yet it was one that ultimately improved her next three works.

Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton both attended Boston University and took the same poetry classes. They discussed writing and enjoyed discussing and pushing back against the expectations for women of that time. It will always be incredible to me the power behind women standing together. When we share works with each other we become inspired. Proofreading and receiving constructive criticism strengthens everyone. Others bring a different perspective, new ideas, and a nuanced imagination. Women in the poetry world are brutally honest and this level of depth has a profound influence over the culture of writing.

Reading/Writing from pexels.com

Still to this day, many writers have captured the struggles of isolation and loneliness because of COVID-19. This is how we stay connected. For eons, the written word has always been a way to preserve history, to have the self-remembered. Every woman should read or write poetry (even if its “bad”). The goal is to have fun expressing and play with language and create your own. As a place to start, here are 11 Beautiful Poetry Collections written by female poets.

Women Authors You Should Definitely Be Reading!

By Gladys Lemesurier

The school semester is almost over and for me, that means it’s almost time to dust off my pile of half-finished or unread books. This time of year is a perfect opportunity to pick up a new book. Maybe you’re looking for something to kill time on a long flight or maybe you just want to read something that isn’t a textbook or scholarly article. This is also a great chance to check out some awesome books written by women. In January of this year, Audible.com shared some of their favorite books—both classic and contemporary— written by women, and many other blogs have done the same. Now I’m here to give you my picks! Whether you’re looking for something magical, something historical, or just something light and fun, there will definitely be something here for you. 

The Princess Effect

By Gladys Lemesurier

Image from Flickr by rudjard

What do you think of when you hear the word “princess”? Maybe you thought of fairy tales or enchanted forests. Was it maybe talking animals or singing? Or maybe I’ve already swayed your opinion with the picture I used, and you thought about Disney. Maybe you would have thought about Disney anyway. After all, Disney Princesses have been a part of our culture since the release of Snow White in 1937. However, not very many people know that there was a princess before Snow White. Though Snow White was Disney’s first full-length movie, the short film The Goddess of Spring (1934) featured the story of Persephone and served as a test run for the first “official” Disney Princess. Since then, princess stories have been loved by both children and adults alike. These stories and the culture they’ve inspired are beautiful and magical. Unfortunately, we’ve found that even fun things like these can have negative effects.

Women in Haiti 2 Earthquakes Later

Haiti. The world’s first independent Black republic and one of the world’s most impoverished nations. Wrecked by the disastrous earthquake of 2010, Haiti has yet to recover from it. Women and girls have been left struggling more than ever in the aftermath of another 7 magnitude earthquake that occurred in August of this year. In the wake of political, social, and economic unrest, – the struggle of gender-based discrimination and violence gets even further pushed out of sight.  

When I think about the freedom women in the U.S. have today that is not available to women in Haiti, it’s disheartening. Even now, women are still fighting for complete autonomy and equality – this is a universal struggle. As a Haitian-American young woman, I find my heart divided between the grief of two nations. Everything I deal with now, women in Haiti struggle with even more.  

Sexism in Dress Codes

Halloween is right around the corner and for a lot of people that means discussions of costumes and outfits have been the hot topic the last couple of weeks. Or maybe even months if you’re somewhere who likes to plan ahead. Whether you’re going to a costume party, hosting one yourself, taking a younger sibling trick-or-treating, or just dressing up for fun at home, Halloween costumes are a chance to have fun. Unfortunately, it is also a time of year when familiar derogatory comments begin to resurface, particularly about the types of costumes we wear. The concept of “sexy” costumes became popular in the 1970s when adults began celebrating Halloween again and gained even more traction during the era of “barely-there” fashion in the 90s. Women were actively embracing their sensuality and feeling sexy and powerful in an expressive and creative way. Because of this, women were and are still actively shamed because they’re viewed as provocative.

Shaming women for their clothing choices is nothing new. But if the shaming of “sexy” Halloween costumes is a relatively new topic, then where else is the shaming of women’s clothing prevalent? Why are women unable to express themselves how they want to with their clothing without being shamed for being inappropriate. One big reason that women’s clothing is frowned upon is because of dress codes that are strictly enforced while we’re in school. We’ve probably all heard the familiar narrative: school is a professional environment and you need to dress accordingly. Or something of that nature. But the nature of what was considered “professional” or appropriate seemed to get more and more ridiculous as I progressed through my K12 academic career. We were being taught from a very young age that our bodies were something that needed to be covered up. In short, the dress code harmed us in one extreme way: it contributed to the objectification of our bodies and changed how we viewed ourselves. 

Help for Domestic Abuse

Domestic violence is frequent behaviour that establishes power or control through fear and intimidation. It occurs on repeated occasions spurred by jealousy, anger, or stress. This behaviour includes physical assaults, verbal abuse, emotional or sexual manipulation. According to 85% of domestic violence victims are women and every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten. Next time you’re in a room of women, take a look around. 1 in 4 women have been victims of severe physical violence (e.g. beating, burning, strangling) by an intimate partner in their lifetime. The numbers of these cases are jarring and in the year 2020, due to COVID-19 lockdowns, the number of cases has significantly jumped. Stress caused by unemployment has accounted for the increase in domestic abuse.

For most women, seeking help for domestic violence can be too vulnerable and shameful. If she has to carry on with her day, job and/or family, it is common that women decide to handle the abuser alone and put a face on for the rest of the world. It is estimated that at least 65% of women take measures to hide or cover-up their scars or bruises and unfortunately there are beauty brands that enable the hiding other than encouraging women to show their wounds and speak up. 

The Invisible Sexuality

By Gladys Lemesurier

For many, October marks the beginning of chilly weather and the reemergence of chunky sweaters and pumpkin spice lattes. Halloween is just around the corner and the shifting of leaves from green to shades of gold and red make for stunning photo opportunities. But the beginning of October marks something else as well: LGBTQ+ History Month. This month serves as an opportunity for members of the community to remember the obstacles that those before us overcame so that we can have the freedoms we have today.

Image from Flickr by Sue Maguire

Despite all the accomplishments of the LGBTQ+ community, biases, stereotypes, and misunderstandings still linger. But you may be surprised to learn that stereotypes exist within the community as well. There are a few identities within the community that face bias from other members of their community, like people on the ace spectrum. But today, I want to talk about the backlash that bisexual people encounter from within this community, especially bi women.

New Voices

By Gladys Lemesurier

Posing in front of street art in Sandpoint, Idaho

Hi there! My name is Gladys Lemesurier, I’m an English Literature major at the University of Idaho, and I have a deep love of nature and everything in it. I’m so excited to be writing for the blog this semester!

Growing up as an introvert meant I always had a book glued to my hands. I loved any book that would take me on a magical adventure full of fairies, elves, spaceships, princesses, or anything else to fuel my vivid imagination. But back when little primary school me was devouring books at the speed of light, things were different. The novels I read featured boys who found magic books or were given pens that turned into swords right before setting out on a magical, sometimes dangerous, quest. Sometimes they were accompanied by a faithful companion. Sometimes the trio even included a girl with a few funny one-liners. A lot has changed since then.