Hell’s Holiday

By Emily Reese 

Do you think Satan wraps presents this nicely?
https://www.plannthat.com/create-a-holidays-gift-guide/

It’s that time of year again. The car needs to be warmed up for 20 minutes before you can drive it and you shiver the whole time you take your dogs to the bathroom. At least the snow is pretty (when/if it ever comes). Of course, skiing and snowboarding are the saving grace of the winter season, given that you have the financial means to access these luxuries. Oh yeah, then there’s the holidays. If you’re into that sort of thing. I hate to sound like a Grinch, but the holidays are rather lackluster for me. I can really do without the Christmas songs playing everywhere the day after Thanksgiving and the pressure to spend hundreds of dollars on gifts for people you don’t really know. But more than that, the holidays can be especially tiresome and stressful for those who may not align ideologically with their family or those who carry out the majority of the tasks associated with the practices that occur during the holidays. Maybe some of you are still reeling from Thanksgiving, and with Christmas quickly approaching, it doesn’t seem like there’s much time available to recover and reflect. In this article, I’d like to explore some of the reasons why the holidays can be particularly draining and suggest some ways to mitigate some of the wintery burnout.  

Not even this tree is safe from my cats.
https://pixexid.com/image/a-minimalist-papercut-christmas-tree-made-of-green-construction-paper-stands-alo-06uv06u1

I can quickly think of a handful of cliché stressors that come from the holidays. Aunty Beth asking if you have a partner yet. Grampa Richard complaining about lazy youth and the disintegration of “good old fashioned American values.” Cousin Susan’s had too much wine and keeps pinching your cheeks, and there’s a weird uncle whom you barely know sulking in the corner. All under a haze of twinkly lights and the smell of icy pine. But other than the general awkwardness and social discomfort that some of us know so well, there are other experiences that are much more emotionally challenging. Such as the experience of a girl named Vivian, whose identity isn’t welcome in her family.  

“I came out as a trans woman to my family several months ago and I haven’t had a holiday with my extended family yet. I know my mom is coming around, but my dad isn’t, and no extended family knows. I’m worried about whether I’ll have to pretend to be a boy for a week or if I’ll even be welcome at all. I’m dreading constantly being misgendered and treated like the nephew grandson I always presented to them, rather than who I actually am. I’m dreading disguising myself just to make my family happy at my own expense.” 

Vivian

cute 🙂
https://pixexid.com/image/the-shape-of-an-evergreen-tree-stands-out-alone-against-a-clean-linen-white-back-7bfqn70g

Trans exclusionary families are only one piece of a very painful pie that many share throughout this season. For some, holidays bring reminders of all the people that they’ve lost or can’t be with, for whatever reason. It can be hard to see others floating around in candy-cane colored bliss bubbles when your holiday plan only involves you, the couch, and a lonely bottle of Cook’s. American holidays have become the Season of Excess. While many are feeling sad and lonely while watching Hallmark films alone in the dark, others are constantly swamped with expectations and demands from their family, extended family, and their extended family’s dog. Even the weird uncle in the corner makes it known that if there are no deviled eggs present on the dinner table, he will have a certified breakdown. Often, the labor involved in shopping for groceries, making the meal, sending the invites, decorating the house, organizing the guests, and however many other logistical hurdles need to be jumped over, falls on the matriarch of the family. If not exclusively on the matriarch, then the matriarch and very few others are tasked with managing the needs of a big, diverse, complicated nebulous of people. Not only is this work expected, but around the holidays, this work and the home in which it takes place, becomes symbolic. The home and decoration of it become the visual representation of the family story and values that it holds.  

It’s me. I’m the uncle.
https://pixahive.com/photo/tray-of-eggs/

So how do we navigate all these challenges? How do we stay sane and if not enjoy, survive, the holiday season? Firstly, make sure to have an ally attending any event with you. If you are in a position like Vivian or feel like your identity and values will need to be hidden or interrogated, it can be helpful to have someone there whom you know will be on your side and have your back if things get tense. Additionally, it can be helpful to have an exit strategy, whether that’s a friend calling you with a fake emergency, or letting people know in advance that you’ll only be there for a set amount of time. Having an exit strategy and knowing that you can leave may make it easier to step into a space with reduced anxiety. As scary as the second piece of advice is, it may help to have some emotional conversations with family members. It may look like sharing your authentic feelings with only a select few family members, or only talking about safer subjects, but allowing someone to see your humanness and allowing yourself to see theirs can smooth some of the combative tension. If your holidays are being spent alone, for whatever reason, I’d say give yourself a gentle pass this year. If it’s grief or loneliness, make yourself your favorite meal, eat a whole pie, and let yourself cry if that’s what you need. Offering to volunteer at community buffets or outreach programs are an especially beneficial option to engage in loving company and actions. Lastly, I know this is a tricky one too, but you can ask others for help. Whether that’s delegating tasks, asking for affirmations and acknowledgements of appreciation, or asking to be a guest this year instead of hosting. Communication is key here, as with everywhere else.  

If you’ve made it to the end of this article, and you’re a certified Christmas super fan with the perfect holiday plans, I wish you nothing but joy this holiday season. Drink your hot cocoa, text your friends and family, check in, and make sure that they’re doing okay this time of year. Regardless of religion, holiday engagement, or family situation, we’re all just trying to make it through the dark, cold winter.  

Teen Girls are in a Mental Health Crisis

By Bradi DuGal

A sign with the message “self care isn’t selfish”. Image sourced from Pexels.

According to a new CDC report comprised of data from the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, teenage girls are experiencing concerning levels of sadness, hopelessness, and depression, with nearly three in five girls feeling this way. According to the report, this number is up almost 60% from 2011, just ten years ago. But it doesn’t stop there, unfortunately; the CDC also found that more than one in four girls seriously considered suicide in 2021, also up nearly 60% from 2011, and that more than one in ten attempted suicide, up 30% from 2011.

The report doesn’t explain why these numbers are skyrocketing, however, it does provide information about a couple of potential factors; first, the levels of sexual violence being experienced by teenage girls is also increasing each year, with about one in five experiencing this type of violence in the past year, which is up 20% since 2017. Additionally, more than one in ten girls reported having been, at some point, forced to have sex. This number is up 27% from 2019, when the CDC first began monitoring this phenomenon Aside from sexual violence, the report clarifies that a combination of several complex factors can put youth at risk for depression, suicide, substance use, poor academic performance, and more. It also explains that alcohol use is higher among teen girls than teen boys, a fact that is widely backed by other researchers and organizations.

Must Watch TV: I May Destroy You

By Skyler Ting

Arabella, played by Michaela Coen, looks out across the coast, image found at https://www.flickr.com/photos/p0ps/51013966876 

It’s the final weekend of winter break and my partner, Diamond, checks to see if the newest episode of Euphoria is out yet. Unfortunately, that’s a no, but there is a recommendation for the 2021 Emmy Award Winning series, I May Destroy You. We’re both in the mood for some heavy themes, heavy feels, and humor, so we tune into the first episode knowing that creator Michaela Coel, widely lauded for writing, producing and acting in Chewing Gum, will provide that. At the top left of the screen, I note the rating: TV-MA, rated for the show’s adult content, adult language, and rape. The last word has me taking in a deep breath, taking a moment to assess. Here is my content warning. Am I in a state of mind to take in something that may be triggering? Am I safe, do I feel safe and comfortable in my body, mind, and physical space right now? Yes, so I cuddle in closer to someone I trust and watch as the HBO fuzz fades to a bedroom with notecards and post-it notes covering the walls… 

I May Destroy You is a deeply layered story centered from the perspective of Black millennial life in contemporary London, navigating the nuances of dating, consent, diaspora, friendship, adulting, social media, and, well, life. Michaela Coel also plays the complex heroine of this story, Arabella. She’s an up-and-coming author struggling to meet deadlines for a publishing firm she’s been contracted with post Twitter-account-gone-viral, a young Black woman and daughter of London and Ghanaian diaspora, a loyal friend, an international lover, and a survivor of sexual assault.  

Silent Brown Screams

By Wilda François

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that “suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States, and suicide rates in the U.S. have increased about 33% from 1999 to 2019 (Purdue)”. Women, however, are affected differently than men biologically, psychologically, and socially, making them more susceptible to emotional distress.

Within the Black community, the stigma of mental health and suicide is harrowing. Women of colour are the outliers of the growing mental health crisis and according to a 2019 Pediatrics study, the number of white children attempting suicide in the U.S. decreased from 1991 to 2017, while the number of Black children attempting suicide went up. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, as of 2018, suicide became the second leading cause of death in Black children aged 10-14, and the third leading cause of death in Black adolescents aged 15-19. Researchers have been able to deduct that Black people are more likely to die by suicide than their white counterparts.

Let’s get ready for the election

By Katy Wicks

Tomorrow is election day in the US. Irrespective of your hopes for the outcome, it is likely to be an emotionally charged day. It is important to remember that the presidential election is not the only election that gets decided tomorrow, and local elections are equally, if not more, important in some cases than the presidential race. But before we get too caught up in what might happen tomorrow, remember you can still vote to have a say in the outcome. I urge you to research what is on your local ballot and cast your vote on November 3rd.

This year’s presidential race has a lot of women’s issues tied to it. Urgent topics for consideration during the race have been health care, LGBTQ+ rights, abortion and other reproductive healthcare, and the impact of COVID-19. These topics are deeply personal for many people. The confirmation of the new Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett caused additional questions about civil rights and changes that could come in the next four years.

No: Say it Loud, Say it Proud

By Sierra Talcott

I have a problem saying no. Not in all situations, I can say no in situations of consent but in terms of people asking for favors, I struggle with saying no. I love helping people and thrive on positive interactions so whenever someone asks me to do something, I automatically say yes. The problem with this is that it creates interactions that are not always healthy for me. I can get very overwhelmed with things I have to do, and yet when someone asks me to do something, I will immediately say yes. As you can imagine, this then causes me extra stress. While I love helping people, it’s also okay to say no when someone asks for something. This problem of saying no isn’t something that only I struggle with; many women have trouble saying no and setting boundaries for themselves.

As women, we are taught to be nurturers and put others’ needs before our own. As children, we are taught to help around the house and we often babysit younger siblings or relatives, which can reinforce this notion of women as caregivers. When we become pregnant, for nine months, our body is not our own and part of our purpose becomes sustaining life. After a child is born, it relies on our bodies to feed it and keep it alive. Even once a child is independently eating, children still need to be cared for and that burden falls mainly on women. With all of these caretaking expectations, it may not seem like it’s possible to say no but this makes saying no even more important. Women can burn out, mothers can burn out, and this is not healthy for us mentally, nor is it healthy for those around us.

The Silent Mental Health Struggle

By Sierra Talcott

Women are superheroes; we juggle jobs, motherhood, gender discrimination, and do it all under the intense scrutiny of society. Often, this looks seamless, like juggling all these roles is as easy as breathing. The truth of the matter is that this is not the case. The pressures that women face are often extremely challenging. It is hard to juggle multiple things. It can be exhausting and overwhelming. This is not a bad thing; feeling overwhelmed is normal and it is okay to not be okay. But often women suffer in silence, instead of getting help.

Throughout history women have been undermined by the patriarchy. Hysteria was the first mental “disorder” that women were targeted by. The phrase hysterical woman; has been used time and time again to invalidate women’s strong emotions. Even today, women are still treated as if they are exaggerating their health symptoms. An example of this is with the condition endometriosis. Endometriosis, a disease that only affects women, can take up to ten years to diagnose, as women are often thought to be exaggerating their pain. In some instances, when doctors are unable to find the cause of a woman’s symptoms, they will assume her symptoms are psychological or psychosomatic. This happens to women ten times more than men.

How COVID-19 Affects Women

Since March of this year, we have been in almost constant lockdown, whether it was by government-mandate or by personal choice. There are both short and long-term effects that come with staying home for over six months. For the fortunate ones, the lockdowns produced boredom, homemade bread loaves, dyed hair, and lots of walks and craft time. But, not being able to go to school or work has endangered many women and children in unsafe home situations. The pandemic has disproportionately affected women with regard to mental health, childcare, and physical safety.

Scholars wondered what the effect of lockdowns would be on domestic violence statistics, but they did not have to wonder for long. Within months, reports of domestic abuse have increased across the globe. According to Andrew Campbell’s article on increasing family violence during the pandemic, “France has indicated a 30 % increase in domestic violence reports, Brazil estimates domestic violence reports have jumped 40–50 %, and Italy has also indicated reports of domestic violence are on the rise.” While domestic violence rates went up, reports of child abuse went down, unfortunately due to the fact that the children no longer had access to social workers or school counselors who could report the abuse.

Mental Health Disorders in Women

By Molly Fredriksson

Source: Google Creative Commons

Good mental health has to be a priority in order to live a healthy life. Many mental health disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, and other conditions affect women more so than men. Statistics show 1 in 5 women in America suffers from anxiety, depression, or both. The World Health Organization states that women are twice as likely than men to develop mental disorders, panic disorders, and anxiety. Although men are four times more likely to die from suicide, women are two to three times more likely to attempt suicide.   

Jameela Jamil: A Modern Icon

Jameela’s Response to the United Nations’ campaign, #OneWord to change the world
Image taken from: https://www.instagram.com/jameelajamilofficial/

By Bailey Brockett

The Body Acceptance movement has taken many forms recently, and Jameela Jamil is a pioneer for them in so many ways. You may know her from portraying Tahani Al-Jamil in The Good Place, but she’s got quite the list of accomplishments behind her other than acting.

Her work in the body image and body acceptance movements are inspiring. Aside from her roles in film and television, she is perhaps most notorious for founding the “I Weigh” movement. In an interview with Conan O’Brien, she defines the movement as, “A mental health movement that really moves against shame, and changes the way that we look at ourselves, and teaches us to be grateful for our bodies, and for our minds.” In an interview with BUILD, she states that she was scrolling through the explore page of Instagram one day and she came across a picture of all the Kardashian women. Across each picture of the women was how much they weighed. She made the point that “You would never have a picture of a group of men, of businessmen, with their weight written across their body.” She proceeded to discuss how mortified she was by continuing to see pictures of successful women with their weight plastered across their faces instead of their accomplishments and their contribution to society. She said, “I realized that that’s still how we value women: Via how much flesh they have on their body and how much space they’re taking up in the world, physically. So, in response to this, she made the decision to say what she weighed on the internet which was her relationship, her financial independence, her friends, and her job. She implores people to realize that these are the types of things you will be thinking about on your deathbed, not your love-handles or whether or not you have a flat stomach. She received so many positive responses that she started a separate Instagram account for them all. It has encouraged thousands of people to post what they weigh, and, instead of a number on a scale, they choose to measure themselves by what brings them happiness. The “I Weigh” movement has given her opportunities to change policies on several social media platforms to protect impressionable minors from being exposed to detox and dieting products, and cosmetic surgery procedures. It has also allowed her to speak at the U.S Senate in an effort to pass two bills that would make this a priority and put it into practice. In her interview with Conan O’Brien, she said that she took products like those when she was younger and, “she’ll be damned if it’s gonna happen again.”

Another Recent Tweet
Image taken from: https://twitter.com/jameelajamil

Recent Tweet
Image taken from: https://twitter.com/jameelajamil

Jameela is also notorious for her witty and eloquent Twitter responses to ignorant, closed-minded people, and to articles that may not be seeing the full picture. Perhaps one of her most criticized and talked-about tweets was a thread she posted right after news about the plans for abortions bans in Georgia came out. She retweeted a news article regarding the bans and said, ” This anti-abortion law in Georgia is so upsetting, inhumane, and blatantly demonstrative of a hatred of women, a disregard for our rights, bodies, mental health, and essentially a punishment for rape victims, forcing to carry the baby of their rapist.” She then proceeded to discuss her own experience getting an abortion, ” I had an abortion when I was young, and it was the best decision I have ever made. Both for me, and for the baby I didn’t want, and wasn’t ready for, emotionally, psychologically and financially.” When she is not making excellent points like these, she is shutting down know-it-alls who don’t actually know it all.

Tweet on World Mental Health Day
Image taken from: https://twitter.com/jameelajamil

She also happens to be an advocate for mental health awareness. In a recent tweet, she mentioned her struggles with mental illness, and how they caused her to try and take her own life. She is also very open about struggling with eating disorders, and the emotional and physical pain it has caused her. In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, she said, “I didn’t fully understand my shame, I just knew that I felt embarrassed about having a little seven-year-old tummy. By the time I was about eleven or twelve, I have very, very bad body-shame because I wanted to look like all of the anorexic models in my magazines, and I was fully anorexic by the time I was about thirteen.” In response to how she later felt about her disorder, and how she managed to cope with it, she stated, “I was very sad to see what I had done and how I had wasted the last couple of years of my life, and so I stopped starving myself and became healthier on what I would put into my body, but I still had an anorexic mentality until I was about twenty-eight.” Mental health is a process, and one that Jameela embodies perfectly.

To pay our respects to this incredible, inspiring woman, I ask you to consider posting what you truly weigh!