Hell’s Holiday

By Emily Reese 

Do you think Satan wraps presents this nicely?
https://www.plannthat.com/create-a-holidays-gift-guide/

It’s that time of year again. The car needs to be warmed up for 20 minutes before you can drive it and you shiver the whole time you take your dogs to the bathroom. At least the snow is pretty (when/if it ever comes). Of course, skiing and snowboarding are the saving grace of the winter season, given that you have the financial means to access these luxuries. Oh yeah, then there’s the holidays. If you’re into that sort of thing. I hate to sound like a Grinch, but the holidays are rather lackluster for me. I can really do without the Christmas songs playing everywhere the day after Thanksgiving and the pressure to spend hundreds of dollars on gifts for people you don’t really know. But more than that, the holidays can be especially tiresome and stressful for those who may not align ideologically with their family or those who carry out the majority of the tasks associated with the practices that occur during the holidays. Maybe some of you are still reeling from Thanksgiving, and with Christmas quickly approaching, it doesn’t seem like there’s much time available to recover and reflect. In this article, I’d like to explore some of the reasons why the holidays can be particularly draining and suggest some ways to mitigate some of the wintery burnout.  

Not even this tree is safe from my cats.
https://pixexid.com/image/a-minimalist-papercut-christmas-tree-made-of-green-construction-paper-stands-alo-06uv06u1

I can quickly think of a handful of cliché stressors that come from the holidays. Aunty Beth asking if you have a partner yet. Grampa Richard complaining about lazy youth and the disintegration of “good old fashioned American values.” Cousin Susan’s had too much wine and keeps pinching your cheeks, and there’s a weird uncle whom you barely know sulking in the corner. All under a haze of twinkly lights and the smell of icy pine. But other than the general awkwardness and social discomfort that some of us know so well, there are other experiences that are much more emotionally challenging. Such as the experience of a girl named Vivian, whose identity isn’t welcome in her family.  

“I came out as a trans woman to my family several months ago and I haven’t had a holiday with my extended family yet. I know my mom is coming around, but my dad isn’t, and no extended family knows. I’m worried about whether I’ll have to pretend to be a boy for a week or if I’ll even be welcome at all. I’m dreading constantly being misgendered and treated like the nephew grandson I always presented to them, rather than who I actually am. I’m dreading disguising myself just to make my family happy at my own expense.” 

Vivian

cute 🙂
https://pixexid.com/image/the-shape-of-an-evergreen-tree-stands-out-alone-against-a-clean-linen-white-back-7bfqn70g

Trans exclusionary families are only one piece of a very painful pie that many share throughout this season. For some, holidays bring reminders of all the people that they’ve lost or can’t be with, for whatever reason. It can be hard to see others floating around in candy-cane colored bliss bubbles when your holiday plan only involves you, the couch, and a lonely bottle of Cook’s. American holidays have become the Season of Excess. While many are feeling sad and lonely while watching Hallmark films alone in the dark, others are constantly swamped with expectations and demands from their family, extended family, and their extended family’s dog. Even the weird uncle in the corner makes it known that if there are no deviled eggs present on the dinner table, he will have a certified breakdown. Often, the labor involved in shopping for groceries, making the meal, sending the invites, decorating the house, organizing the guests, and however many other logistical hurdles need to be jumped over, falls on the matriarch of the family. If not exclusively on the matriarch, then the matriarch and very few others are tasked with managing the needs of a big, diverse, complicated nebulous of people. Not only is this work expected, but around the holidays, this work and the home in which it takes place, becomes symbolic. The home and decoration of it become the visual representation of the family story and values that it holds.  

It’s me. I’m the uncle.
https://pixahive.com/photo/tray-of-eggs/

So how do we navigate all these challenges? How do we stay sane and if not enjoy, survive, the holiday season? Firstly, make sure to have an ally attending any event with you. If you are in a position like Vivian or feel like your identity and values will need to be hidden or interrogated, it can be helpful to have someone there whom you know will be on your side and have your back if things get tense. Additionally, it can be helpful to have an exit strategy, whether that’s a friend calling you with a fake emergency, or letting people know in advance that you’ll only be there for a set amount of time. Having an exit strategy and knowing that you can leave may make it easier to step into a space with reduced anxiety. As scary as the second piece of advice is, it may help to have some emotional conversations with family members. It may look like sharing your authentic feelings with only a select few family members, or only talking about safer subjects, but allowing someone to see your humanness and allowing yourself to see theirs can smooth some of the combative tension. If your holidays are being spent alone, for whatever reason, I’d say give yourself a gentle pass this year. If it’s grief or loneliness, make yourself your favorite meal, eat a whole pie, and let yourself cry if that’s what you need. Offering to volunteer at community buffets or outreach programs are an especially beneficial option to engage in loving company and actions. Lastly, I know this is a tricky one too, but you can ask others for help. Whether that’s delegating tasks, asking for affirmations and acknowledgements of appreciation, or asking to be a guest this year instead of hosting. Communication is key here, as with everywhere else.  

If you’ve made it to the end of this article, and you’re a certified Christmas super fan with the perfect holiday plans, I wish you nothing but joy this holiday season. Drink your hot cocoa, text your friends and family, check in, and make sure that they’re doing okay this time of year. Regardless of religion, holiday engagement, or family situation, we’re all just trying to make it through the dark, cold winter.  

Immigrant Discrimination from a Surprising Group

By Vicky Diloné

This past week something happened to a friend of mine who I’ll call Lucy*. (Names are changed for privacy.) I was speed-walking to class when I ran into Lucy pushing her children in a stroller and crying. Not just silent crying but sobbing.

She told me that someone had said just said a hurtful comment to her, and I immediately became angry. My friend is a recent immigrant to this country and her English is not the best, but she is the sweetest and most hard-working person. I quickly assumed that some stranger had made a racist comment. Although this is not considered a hate crime it is harassment and I at least wanted to see the person who I thought hurt my friend in case some other incident happens.

¿Hablas Español? (Do You Speak Spanish?)

By Vicky Diloné

I am always proud to talk about my Hispanic heritage. I grew up watching my parents host salsa dancing parties at home, eating tacos de lengua and mangú, and spending a couple of summers in Mexico and the Dominican Republic. But there was one thing I did miss, the language. Like many first-generation Americans, I didn’t grow up speaking the language of my parent’s home countries. They would talk amongst themselves in Spanish but to my brother and I, they would speak mostly English with an occasional Spanish word thrown in.

I don’t blame them at all for this. Spanish was my brother’s first language. But when my mom took him to the pediatrician for a regular checkup, they told her he wasn’t hitting the markers for normal development, mainly in speech. You see, when they tried asking my brother questions he would only respond in Spanish. The doctor told her that he wouldn’t develop properly if they didn’t choose one language to teach him. It would confuse him and he wouldn’t learn either one. So following her doctor’s advice, she only spoke English to my brother and I. We now know that this is ridiculous. There have been a number of studies showing that being fluent in two languages can increase intelligence, even in young age.

A Message to the Dads

A Picture of a Super Dad

By Delaney Hopen

 

The Problem

I don’t think it’s easy for people to understand how severe news reports of sexual assault, school shootings, and terrorism are. This separation is similar to receiving news about someone you know who broke their leg. You may discuss how unfortunate it is, ask how it happened, and maybe even discuss the potential challenges they will face in the near future.      However…

Someone breaking their leg doesn’t rock your world.

Someone breaking their leg will not force you to lie awake at night.

Someone breaking their leg can heal.

Thoughts of violence by the media

Older generations try to blame this lack of sympathy on violent video games, and our generation’s constant attachment to technology. It’s been said that video games like Call of Duty (COD), that “promote” the use of firearms, or Grand Theft Auto (GTA), which displays multiple forms of physical violence, could be the cause of such numbness.

I’ve heard many people try to blame sexual assault and rape on our generation as well, saying that, “This was never a problem when I was your age.”

My mother’s disease is not a game

By Kali Nelson

 

A photo of a woman smiling at the camera.

 

 

Today I want to talk something that is close to my heart and that I don’t talk about a lot, but I will since it’s October, which is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Right now little pink ribbons and surround us as reminders to check your breast and remember anyone can get cancer.

The pink ribbon of breast cancer awareness.

First I would like to share some information about breast cancer in general. Please remember that I am not a biology major; I do not study this in my spare time. One, because I don’t have any spare time and two because it’s not how I want to spend my time. Breast cancer is when cells in the breast start to grow uncontrollably and then form a tumor. Although there are many tumors that are benign, meaning that they are not harmful. But some are malignant, meaning that they are harmful. Cells become uncontrollable and cause tumors because of damage between three to seven genes. Then the cells grow and multiply and can escape the body’s defenses leading to the cells spreading. Just think, one cell; it only takes one cell to change your life.

Silence and Oppression

BY ALEXANDRIA ARRITT

The election of 2016 was an incredibly trying time for people of all political parties, friendships, and families. Although difficult for me as well, I was very vocal about my opinions especially through social media. Social media is one of the most prominent and available platforms to share information, current events, and even political discourse. During that time though many people avoided social media. The stress of the election was a great one to bear for sure. I did feel, however, that it was important for me to explain why this election was so important and why I feared the possible outcomes for the next four years.

Meanwhile, I had many people tell me that they unfollowed me or stayed off social media or refused to discuss opinions between people. Of course, I understand that some conversations will lead nowhere, but no conversation at all will also lead nowhere. There is a balance there that naturally comes with judgement. Even after the election is long past many people continue to stay silent on issues that are held very close to my heart as well as many others. While I understand wholly the seemingly unnecessary stress talking about politics may have on a relationship of any kind, I still find my heart dropping when people tell me they don’t talk about politics. This is because politics is a lot more than just that. “Politics” entail the livelihood and safety of ourselves and those around us, politics are healthcare and reproductive rights and environmental concerns and politics concern so many different life’s and families. If politics don’t affect you, they will affect someone you know and may care about.

A Passion For Learning: My Story

By Lindsey Heflin

Hi readers! My name is Lindsey Heflin, and I am a junior at the University of Idaho majoring in Advertising and minoring in Professional Writing, Marketing, Art, and Aerospace Studies. I am involved in the UI Honors Program, Greek life, the Department of Student Involvement, the UI Advertising Team, the Vandal Reps Tour Guide crew and more! I am a bit of a busy bee, and while it’s often hard to stop myself from committing to another club or minor, my friends and family inform of me of the sad and unfortunate truth: I cannot do everything.

Part of the reason I book myself to the brim with classes, is because I truly have a passion for learning. I am no Einstein when it comes to my subjects, but as I think about the world we live in today, I can’t help but reflect on how lucky I am to receive an education and get the opportunity to freely learn in the college of my choosing.

Get the Job Done (Later)

Women at play

By CMarie Fuhrman

I come from a long line of women who get the job done. No matter if it is making lunch for a haying crew of thirty hungry ranchers, or rallying resources in the last minutes before a Christmas morning gathering to make sure the late additions to our table would have gifts to open after dessert. We accomplish the task. My female friends are equally driven. I’ve been on a crew of five that made all the food for a wedding with over 300 guests. We stayed up all night peeling potatoes for salad and rolling up pieces of lunch meat for the buffet and got up the next morning in time to set it all up, dress the bride, get to the service, and smile in the photographs. My girlfriends and I have cut firewood, branded calves, painted, packed, and proved over and over that no matter the job, we can get it done.

And now many of those same women and I have joined the ranks of our sisters all over the globe to get other jobs done. Together we are marching for change, for peace, for climate, for the environment. I’ve joined sister-friends in democratic calls for action, given a thumbs up on every single photo another friend posts about wild spaces and our need to keep them. And I have sat in a classroom with the wonderful bloggers that I share this space with, and talked about the challenges and the rewards of being female and the best way to showcase those.

And I am tired.

My Mother, My Feminist Hero

By Stephanie Sampson

 

As my blogging experience comes to an end here at the University of Idaho Women’s Center, I can’t help but ask myself when I became a feminist. When I started this internship, I wanted to gain experience blogging as well as meet strong, motivational women. But throughout this process I have learned more than just tips on blogging.

I have always had feminist thoughts and tendencies, but before this experience I didn’t exactly know what they were or where they came from. I didn’t exactly know how passionate I was about women’s issues or what I could do to about it. I have now met a handful of independent, driven, smart, and motivational feminists and I am truly thankful. One of the women in my life that pushed me to this experience is my mother, Christine.

Tips for being an Ally to Transgender Individuals

By Lauren Anthony

Support. Love. Trust. Strength. These four words hold so much more than just what we say or use them for in our day-to-day lives. Sharing these words with one another helps bring us closer, but also establishes a new form of communication. We will examine these words while focusing on being an ally  for those who identify as transgender.

I am no expert when it comes to being the best ally after someone comes to you and opens up as transgender. Honestly, no one is going to have the best or only answer for a topic such as this. Instead, I am going to offer some advice and tips that I have found helpful. Through sharing my own experiences my intention is that it will help others who read this article feel comfortable around a touchy topic.