Sex Talk With Nick: The Power of the Hookup

Nick Dimico

Welcome to Sex Talk with Nick, your weekly dose of pleasure. I’m here to give you an educational insight into the world of sex. This week we are going to discuss the power of the hookup and the ways in which many find pleasure from it.

The word “hookup” gets thrown around everywhere from friends, family, students at school, the workplace, and in the media, but what does everybody mean when they are saying it? Is it kissing, sex, or something in between? The answer is yes.

Hooking up is defined in so many ways that many people do not know the actual definition of the word. Most use the word with the meaning of two people interacting in some kind of sexual activity; therefore it can only be defined as what the people engaged in the activity feel is necessary.

It usually happens outside of relationships, and there is considered to be no commitment involved, meaning that if you hook up, the other person might have no expectations of hooking up with you again and it may stay as a one night stand.

Hooking up, to me, is an interesting concept, because sometimes I use it to fill a pleasurable need, while other times I do it to feel less alone. At first I thought I was the only one that felt this way, but after talking with many people I realized that I am not alone.

“When I hookup, I do it fulfill my loneliness of not having someone in my life,” said Greg, gay, 23, sexually active. “I find that if I don’t have someone next me at all times I become depressed.”

While hooking up has an expectation of no “commitment,” it can sometimes lead to one or both leaving the situation with the feeling that there is some sort of commitment to that person. This sometimes creates an area of hurt for one or both people hooking up.

“I hook up a lot,” said Ashley, straight, 25, sexually active. “When I hookup with some guys I feel a sense of belonging and safety to that person, while other times I feel nothing. It’s hard, because the ones that I feel safe with I tend to fall for, but they usually are only in it for the sex.”

Throughout my time of hooking up I have been hurt a lot. It’s because I feel like the person could be interested in me beyond the hookup, when in actuality they aren’t. I have begun to think of hooking up as a performance. To me it is like porn, because you look like you are very intimate and in love with one another, when it’s just another form of acting.

Usually every situation has a different meaning for hooking up.

“I hook up with girls that I usually like,” said James, straight, 22, sexually active. “What I mean by this is that I don’t like hooking up with random girls that I just met. I like to know them first and have some sort of connection with them because I could end up dating that person after hooking up with them.”

While James needs connection for hooking up, Anthony does not.

“I hook up with guys for one reason,” said Anthony, gay, 21, sexually active. “All I want is to have sex and move on to the next one. I don’t need feelings to come into play because I don’t like attachment. It creates a lot of drama in my life, and I would just rather not have it.”

While some like hooking up to fulfill needs, many others don’t care for it at all.

“I’m one that finds nothing from hooking up,” said Amanda, straight, 24, sexually active. “I find it to be something that people use because they are desperate for attention or they need something to help with their loneliness.”

I find Amanda’s statement to be interesting, because when you are hooking up with someone, most of the time you don’t see how they are feeling or what their actual goal is.

So, as you can see sex can be so many things. We are all human beings, we are equal (or should be), and we all have ways of finding and acting on certain pleasures. There is no right and no wrong to sex, just a diversity pool of pleasures. The more open-minded we are to sex the more we are going to learn about it throughout the rest of our lives, but remember safety first.

Happy Pleasuring! ❤

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